Hope When There's Nothing Else

Looking back over the last couple of months, I wonder how I'm even functioning.
Our journey has taken us to some new places where we've had to just hang on with both hands and have Hope.

Hope that tomorrow will be better.
Hope that things can't get worse.
Hope that no matter what....God will take care of me. Will take care of my blessings.

This past month I have experienced feelings and emotions that have hit like a tidal wave.
I've been numb. Sad. Mad. So very frustrated. Exhausted. Panicked. I have grieved. Laughed. Cried. All while trying to put pieces back together.

Today as I prepared our home for Christmas, I was in tears. It broke my heart as I passed him. I told him that I love him. I thought how we almost lost him. Almost didn't have Christmas with him. How shattered our lives have felt the last few weeks, but not wanting to imagine how we'd feel if he were not with us now.

Christmas is bittersweet. Part of me doesn't want to celebrate. I walked through a store the other day and almost threw up at the sights of people going about their lives, cheerfully preparing for the holidays. But I need Christmas................

I need Hope.

December marks the month when we brought this precious baby home....forever. I remember rocking this child in front of the Christmas tree. All my hopes and dreams bundled up against my chest. And I thought of Mary. How blessed she was to be chosen by God to carry His son. The intense love she had for this long awaited Messiah. And we were chosen by God for this child as well.

I wonder what she was thinking while holding her child. Did she worry about his future? Did she fear for him, the Prince of Peace? Knowing this was God's own son, she knew her time with him would be short. Did she cherish every minute?

But you see, she was holding Hope in her arms. Kissing His sweet little head. Singing Hope to sleep. And that is where I am finding my Hope tonight.

Although my babe is too big to rock by the tree and would die if I sang to him now, I can rest in knowing that the same Prince of Peace is here...right now....hearing my cries, my hopes and my dreams for my son. I do not need to be afraid.....

When there is Hope!